so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I lost the right to judge tonight
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize