fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
