he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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