they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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