Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize