her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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