ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
