mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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