Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
