Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
