Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
