and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Text me some of your sweat
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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