I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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