ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
