Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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