Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Two words: blizzard sex
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
