He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
