i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize