Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
