So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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