please come you make the beer taste better
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
