Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
