I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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