and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
