I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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