I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
