That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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