I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
