ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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