The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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