Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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