shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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