i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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