don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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