Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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