you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's shark week go big or go home
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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