Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
