I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
