i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
