Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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