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I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
