my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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