she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
