Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
