Non-Jews are for practice
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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