Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
