i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
