my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize