the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
MIDGETS
????
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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