Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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