you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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