K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
