My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
