Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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