Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
