So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
