im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
