is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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