I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
