My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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