I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
