literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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