I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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