Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I can't turn off my feet"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
