btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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