Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
