You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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