I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
