Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
