i may or may not be watching the land before time
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
