you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
