hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
