Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
