and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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