I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
