Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize