just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
