So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
