I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
