if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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