I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
