after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
