My underwear smells like fireworks.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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