how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
