Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
