i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
