I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize