I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
