is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
