i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
