Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Welp...herpes.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
