She said her name was "party"
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
