I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize